Dear School Administrator Mofos,

Perhaps you might remember the little missive you sent out last year reminding your staff about the importance of enforcing the Student Dress Code... the one where you pointed out that no female student may wear upper garments that show her "mid drift." Yeah, you said it, you said mid drift. We all snickered at you like a bunch of baying wolves.

Literacy crisis in America? Pah! Who believes that? We've all seen the students wearing the spirit shirts that say "Betcha can't do it like we do!" Somebody up there in your lofty offices approved that little butchery of the English language. Nobody thought to consult the Language Arts Department... you know "they" are out there, but you're just not sure in what direction from the locker room "they" might be...

We are on the "dumbing down of America" bandwagon and we are not getting off! Woohoo!

Just one more thing - thanks, guys, for the little missive this week. We all feel proud to wear our "denim leg coverings" on Spirit Day. But trust us when we say this... pontification has it's place, and it's not in a "motivating" missive from the principal.

Thank you very much, GO TEAM! (cough)
The Staff