Lost in the wilderness...

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Let's discuss the proper decorum for releasing gas while at work.

Would you:

A. Claim you can't smell anything, thus giving you the right to fart at will.
B. Scurry off to the restroom when you feel the urge.
C. Warn your coworkers of an upcoming episode.
D. Keep silent and/or apologize after the event horizon has dropped them to their knees.
E. Casually drop a "Silent But Deadly" and act as if nothing happened.

My co-worker constantly does A and E. I am finding it difficult not to retch and run screaming from the building. Yes, I realize she is old. But is that justification for the overwhelming STENCH? And why does she scurry up to involve me in a conversation just when she has let one escape her asshole from the gates of hell?

All donations of air spray gratefully accepted...

Sunday, January 14, 2007

You know you're old when...

Your husband says, "Happy Anniversary, dear!" As you, with your pillow perm hair and pillow squashed face... stagger to the bathroom scratching your wobbly ass (clothed in a flannel nightgown AND long underwear!) ... And you mumble something appropriate, make a haven't-brushed-my-teeth kissy noise, and shut the door behind you.

Only to emerge a few minutes later saying, "29! Freakin TWENTY NINE YEARS! Holy Shit!"

Yes, we're old.

Next year, we must have a party. You know, before the dementia sets in...

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Okay, in just a few minutes, it will be the day of the 29th year of our anniversary. Geez, can't believe I've been married to the snoring sonofabitch for almost 30 years!

I guess I should start planning the party for next year.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

It's my party...

...and one of the kings arrived headless! Ut oh!

My sister shops for me year round at garage sales, so every year on my birthday I have a delicious box of "found" treasures to unwrap. These 3 Kings were in the box today, along with assorted other Kings and Santa boots and plastic fish and mean cocktail napkins...

I think the headless one can be repaired. They are so '70s aren't they? Right down to their still intact price tags from the department store in our home town (that has been closed for 20 years.)

Happy Birthday to me! and thanks, Noodle!