Lost in the wilderness...

Monday, October 16, 2006

Ordering books can either be a chore to be avoided at all costs and done the last minute... or it can be one of the truely fun things about working in a library. It does get boring reading reviews all the time, but one must do homework! bleh...

So today was a fun day. We sat down with a jobber, and flipped through a jillion catalogues with our student aides. We really wanted their input, especially when it came to biographies. After all, who are we ordering for? Why those very same students, and all their bouncy happy friends! Oh, yeah, and all those miserable arguing slackjawed yokels, too. Mofos!

I'd love to order every graphic novel out there, but the little mofos tear them up and steal them. Sometimes I wish they would just steal them, instead of bringing back rags for me to cuss over as I try to repair them enough to go sit on the shelf for ten seconds again before they are checked out.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Teaching Assistant, por favor, tell me what you don't understand about how checking in books is the responsibility of the student aides? Si, the student aides who have the attention span of an anteater, THEY ARE ALL I HAVE. My first line of defense against raving patrons who say, "I returned that book! Last week!"

It is not "silly" or "mean" of me to tell the students who claim they returned a book to go find said book on the shelf and show it to me. IF they can find it (you would not believe how many books that have been "returned to the library" mysteriously show up under a bed, in the car, or in someone's locker) I will happily check it in - since those student aides are so inept at their jobs - and waive all late fees!

Don't get disgusted and want to just go back to class and let their "real teacher" deal with the library since "the system does not work." I know your feet hurt, gosh... you've been standing on them for a whole 10 minutes. Don't tell your student in Spanish to tell me that she returned the book, and then turn around and do it for her when she says she can't tell me... she may say "no intendes" but I sure do!

First of all, she has to find the book and show it to me. I am nice, not gullible. I realize the system has its problems, but I just can't spend all day checking books in and out. That's why I have 20+ student aides.

Secondly, aren't you supposed to be teaching her to speak English? Isn't this a learning experience? Responsibility? Accountability? Deadlines? Due dates?

Bese mi culo, Teaching Assistant.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Dear School Administrator Mofos,

Perhaps you might remember the little missive you sent out last year reminding your staff about the importance of enforcing the Student Dress Code... the one where you pointed out that no female student may wear upper garments that show her "mid drift." Yeah, you said it, you said mid drift. We all snickered at you like a bunch of baying wolves.

Literacy crisis in America? Pah! Who believes that? We've all seen the students wearing the spirit shirts that say "Betcha can't do it like we do!" Somebody up there in your lofty offices approved that little butchery of the English language. Nobody thought to consult the Language Arts Department... you know "they" are out there, but you're just not sure in what direction from the locker room "they" might be...

We are on the "dumbing down of America" bandwagon and we are not getting off! Woohoo!

Just one more thing - thanks, guys, for the little missive this week. We all feel proud to wear our "denim leg coverings" on Spirit Day. But trust us when we say this... pontification has it's place, and it's not in a "motivating" missive from the principal.

Thank you very much, GO TEAM! (cough)
The Staff

Friday, October 06, 2006

I like to make up words... just now I made up "circability" and "profaneability." But usually the words I make up are profane. I do so love profanity! Not gratuitous profanity but profanity for fun and wickedness. Which makes no sense I know, I'm way too tired to be typing and can barely think.

(I'm just trying to stay awake until 6pm when I leave for the football stadium to stand in the concession stand for 4 hours and make change or handle meat products. I don't know which is a dirtier job, I just know that if it weren't for supporting my son's swim team, I would NOT be doing this on my time off!)

My latest favorite word is "ginormous" which of course is a contraction of sorts... of the words "gigantic" and "enormous." And said word perfectly describes my ass. To say that "My ginormous ass is dragging and sagging like a giant sloppy sack of motherfuckin gumdrops or something..." is to say "I'm WAY beyond damn stupid TIRED! I am DONE!"

What? You want something profane? Ha!

How much my feet hurt, now THAT's profane!

I'll have to talk about made up names later... I have some new priceless ones. AND I want to talk about people who name their children after PLACES or with the last name of DEAD historical men! gah! Most of the time it's politicians! Why can't that adorable little girl be named Cleopatra? Joan? Marie Antoinette? Helen? Do you have to call her Madison? AFTER A DEAD PRESIDENT??? And hey, isn't it a TOWN?